Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Personal Experience Draft


Jack
Period 5
Personal experience
 “There are many monkeys around this temple. They are quite aggressive when it comes to food, so don’t provoke them.” said the native tour guide. I wasn’t paying any attention because of the one and only reason: my water holder is full! Right after the bus stopped, I jumped out to the convenience store right next to the parking area, asking for the toilet.
After the relaxing moment, I asked my parents to buy me some snacks, since I was hungry and it wasn’t lunch time yet. Instead, they bought me some bananas, saying that eating bananas are better for your health than snacks. Well, that was my favorite fruit, so nothing to complain anyway.
My brother went looking around. He said that I was very lucky that I didn’t wear the red shirt he gave me as my birthday present. But the best part is that, he was wearing his red tank I gave him for his birthday present. “Come on guy, the quicker you are the more time you can enjoy.” said the tour guide. We hurried to the ticket checking post. There, one facts is revealed, to reach the temple, we have to climb up not so much steps, just about 300 high steps, and that wasn’t cool for me. “Our company will have a prize to anyone who can reach the temple within 10 min.” said the tour guide. Hearing the “prize”, I raced with my brother. Now I can say “Thanks you” for my basketball coach’s stamina training. Both my brother and I reached the temple. Sweat was all over my shirt and my brother’s. We’re too tired to see the time. It seem like breathing was the only thing we could do.
A while later, the tour guide reached us but he said that he didn’t go before us so he couldn’t be sure that we’ve reach the temple in time. Well, can’t blame him. I reached into my pocket for my last two bananas. I’ve had to admit, it was better than any other banana I’ve eaten. Right before I ate my very last banana, a monkey jumped on the stair handle facing me. It looked at the piece of fruit from the trash can and my banana, while I watched what it was doing. Its eyes looked at me, eyes of hunger but somehow, poor, especially with its torn and weak body.
Well, I was a kid, a naughty kid. I walked toward the monkey and put my hand with the banana right above its head. When the monkey was about to reach its hands to get the banana, I dodge my hand side-way, and laugh at the monkey acting so silly. Suddenly, it started to growl. Right then, the monkey chased me. Maybe I screamed out loud, but more important, I was running for my safety. I ran and ran, just wish that I didn’t do what I did. I realized who the one that acted silly back then was. I dropped the banana, but the monkey didn’t even slow down. The tiredness beat me. I felt down on my knee. The monkey jumped to my hand, bit my hand like it released all its hatred to bite. I was sent to the clinic after that, the nurse there said that I was lucky that it was a baby monkey, so my wound wasn’t very deep.
After time and time of remembering, I still get a shock from the painful strike of that monkey. I eventually realized two really true facts. Firstly, banana might make your health bad. Secondly, the meaning of the statement: “treat others like you want to be treated.”  But it’s ironic for me to think about this. I was wounded by animals, but this made my love them even more. Also, if I could have one wish, I wish that I wouldn’t do that.

4 comments:

  1. Hey guys, it's me, Jack. I really need help and advise on my draft. Help me please.

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  2. meee don't know what to suggest but cute story.

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  3. well, 1st, in the 3rd paragraph, it's suppose to be "Thank you" not "Thanks you". 2nd, you have lots of grammar mistakes. There was a time you told things in the past then in present tense. :P Luckily it wasn't the final draft. :P

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  4. Wow Jack. This is the second story I've read about getting bit by a monkey. It makes me worried about going around monkeys here. Athrun's right; you should work on revising your grammar. However, I also think that you should work on focusing your story and connecting the events more. The banana part is a little long to explain why you had a banana. I would focus on the race and then the monkey. Add more information about the monkey fight. What did you feel like? What did you screams sound like? Remember to use sensory details.

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